Feeling Alone

 

Friday nights . . . I sit in silence.

Looking to share my time with someone but no one in mind. Searching, searching but no one in sight. Just me and my mind, playing tricks on me, feelings of emptiness arise. From where? Strange how I chose / created this . . . feeling.

I do not accept this feeling as me.  

Only a moment, Never alone,

Always together, Always forever.


Remember

I have to train myself to remember that now is always the perfect time to create. Every moment is its own unique opportunity. I had a conversation today about a common phrase people ask each other now-a-days. 

 

What do you do?

but not only that, 

why?

Why are you doing what you do? Feel free to comment below.

Note to Self : Feel More

 
Feeling 1
 

For those of you who don't know me, for the past 10 + years I've been carrying around sketchbooks and filling them with moments, ideas, feelings, colors etc. This idea is slowly spilling over into the digital world with this site. With these words. This. Part of it all. 

• • •

 
 

An image taken from my sketchbook, 1 year ago and expanded on in the form of a painting. 

The final work / output shown represents my frustration to create and the desire to not desire. Letting go of control.

The piece has three stages.

1) Journal Sketch - Feeling free, calm, at peace, a moment of focus, expansion and planned line / weight work.

2) Acrylic on Canvas - Translating the feelings from my journal onto a bigger more colorful experience.

3) Enamel on Canvas - This was an interesting exploration of process. I painted the black enamel 1 week after the colored lines. I painted it at a moment of frustration. I was feeling down, not happy, not sad but something inside of me needed to be expressed, I needed to create something in that moment. Looking at the painting in its state prior the black lines the methodic, calm colorful lines were not identifying with me. Then I started to think about what to paint, about how to paint, and I judged myself and my ideas before they were brought to life. I created an illusion in my head that goes no where. This feeling of control of judging is exactly what I wanted to escape. So I asked myself... How am I judging this? and my answer was my EYES. I was using my eyes to tell me how things should look, what would be right, but all that is illusion. So I got rid of my eyes. I blindfolded myself, I meditated on the feelings I felt and when I felt ready, I grabbed my paintbrush and let go over judgement, let go of control. At one point I even switched hands and then started painting with both hands! After a few minutes I unblind folded myself and laughed. I had succeeded. That feeling of frustration was been released from me and with that I created. Its not the most beautiful piece in the world, and its aim has nothing to do with beauty. This piece has to do with honesty, accepting, freedom and creation. 

So the next time you feel some type of way, share it, express it, let it go, appreciate it, work with it and allow it to serve as food for creation, maybe even inspire you to do something you've never done before.